September 9, 2012

Today a tree was planted at the C.M. Wilson Conservation Area in memory of my Dad and all of the others who have passed away in Chatham-Kent during the past year.  I have to admit, I have had mixed emotions about this day.  I can't help feeling some anger, this shouldn't be happening.  I shouldn't be seeing my Dad's name on this list of people for whom these trees are planted for.  It's just not right, he was too young, he should still be here with us.  Why? 

Once I am able to stop feeling sorry for myself, I remember that this is all part of the Plan and that my Dad is still touching many people even though he's gone.  This tree is just another way that we can remember him.  I am also very thankful for the people who were here with us today, Aunt Dina, Uncle Gus, Uncle John, Aunt Eileen, Uncle Ralph and Aunt Anne, all of you are very special to me and often are able to give me a little hug or a smile that always seems to fill that big hole that has been left.

This bagpiper started off the ceremony.

I believe there were nine trees planted in all, and each person was able to put a shovel full of dirt in the hole for the tree.  Here's Ava pushing the dirt in...

And Claire throwing some dirt into the hole.

Then after, we went back to the farm, Mike cut the grass and we stayed for dinner.

Ava tucking her baby in for a nap in the barn. 

June 18, 2012

The stone is up and it looks beautiful.  My Mum did a great job designing it and it's perfect.  Still hard to see my own Dad's name on one of these and today is one of those days when it just doesn't seem fair.  I miss you so much Dad.

June 17, 2012

Do it for Dad

Today we ran a 5k run for Prostate Cancer in honor of my Dad.  I am sure he would have had tears in his eyes if he knew all these people were doing this for him!  What a great turnout and I can't thank everyone enough for all of their support to us and especially my Mum over the last little while.  It means so much that so many people would take the time on Father's Day to do this.  I still find it hard to believe that I don't have a Dad anymore and that he is not just on a trip, or we just haven't talked in a bit, and being surrounded by friends and family on this first Father's Day without my Dad made it that much easier.

June 15, 2012

ESAR is tomorrow and this year it is being held in Apsley!  How convenient, this is where the cottage is located!  We were so fortunate that Chris and Heather let us stay there for the night.  I love it there, it's so peaceful and lately, Chris feels like a second father to me.  After supper we spent the evening around the dinning room table looking at old photos of the Deep River days and hearing all the stories that go with them.  I will never tire of listening to stories of my Dad's "Deep" shenanigans.  Just wish I could hear his laughter and watch his hand go up to his forehead as the stories were told.  Little memories deep within my heart now.

June 1, 2012

Claire loves her bedtime stories and when she would have sleepovers at Oma and Opa's, she used to be able to talk Opa into reading her almost every book in the basket.  Then 45 minutes later, she would be ready for bed...  She's having a hard time making it through one story tonight.

May 27, 2012

Claire has been complaining that her running shoes are too small, so off we went in search of new shoes.  When we had her feet measured, it turned out the shoes she had been wearing were 2 sizes to small.  Way to go Mom...  I have to mention that Claire also has really narrow feet, which makes it hard to find shoes that fit properly.  So now she is the proud new owner of her first pair of Nike running shoes.  She loves them and can't wait to do "Opa's race" (the Father's Day Prostate Cancer Run in London) with them on.

May 23, 2012

My Mum's cell phone died and I dug out my old one for her to use.  Ava picked it up and put it to her ear.  When I asked her who she was talking to, she replied, Opa.  Her response tugged at my heart a little.  My sweet little girl, if only it was that easy.  I would have "heaven" #1 on speedial!

May 11, 2012

I was going through my old emails today and came across one that my Dad had sent last spring.  He sent it to me at a time when his treatments were kind of up in the air.  He subscribed to a forum of all men with advanced prostate cancer, and was forwarding a post he had sent, asking for help as to what kind of treatment to push for next.  It was so nice to see words that he had written me out of the blue today.  Especially last two, "love Dad".

April 15, 2012

My Mum is going to get some quilts made from my Dad's shirts and today I got them ready by cutting off the collar's, button's and cuff's.  I didn't realize it was going to be as hard as it was.  And I understood even more why it was a job that Mum shouldn't do.  As I cut each shirt, I remembered the places we had been and things we did.  The ones he wore when he came to visit and went for bike rides and took Maverick for walks.  The shirts he wore while I sat beside him in the chemo lab and what he wore while he was sitting in the waiting room at the cancer clinic, seeing his face light up when I walked in the room.  The shirt he wore that dark day in October when we were told there were "no more tools left in the tool box" and I had cried into that shirt as he stroked my hair thanking me for being so strong through all it all.  I had to leave the shirt that I had got him for christmas the year before until the end.  I really liked that one and thought about giving it to Mike, but then realized that I couldn't see him wearing my Dad's clothes either.  It needed to be in the quilt.

February 13, 2012

It's Monday night and after work I headed out to the ski club.  There are first aid competitions coming up and many of the patrollers were practising, so I spent most of the night skiing by myself.  I didn't mind, it gave me some time to think and reflect.  I think of my Dad alot on these Monday nights of skiing because he would sometimes come out with me.  Dad would be in all his glory as we skiied down the short runs of Boler Mountain.  He loved the sport and just being outside in the fresh air seemed to rejuvinate him.  In October, just after we received the news that treatments had stopped working for him and he was placed on Dexamethazone, he dug out a flyer that he had been sent from Boler announcing the upcoming opening of their new hill.  When he showed me the flyer, we talked about how nice it would be to have the new hill open and how much better it would be.  This new drug is a "feel good" kind of drug and he was flying high that weekend making all kinds of plans and trips and wanting to try to ski again.  I remember him looking at me and saying "you don't think that's too much do you?"  Of course I didn't want to ruin his spirit and I replied "No, I don't think so, you may not be able to do what you once could, but we can get you out there again."

So tonight as I ski on this new hill, with it's steeper runs and added vertical, I think of my Dad and how much he would have loved this new hill and how much fun we would have had exploring the new terrain together.

This photo was taken from the top of "Wayne's Run"  named after the pioneer of Boler's Ski School who also had been diagnosed with prostate cancer and had lost the battle last year.  I stand at the top looking out onto the runs that Dad and I would ski together and the lights of the city and it's a beautiful picture.